Thinking today about fantastic duos of the past. What happened to the teams of stars who would co-mingle throughout their careers? Dance partners, comedic twosomes, romantic counterparts falling in love (on screen) again and again. When did that go out of favor?
While at moments it may have been exasperating to be dependent on the strengths and weaknesses of someone else, I bet it was also comforting going through the nonsensical rise and fall of fame with a partner. Sharing the experience with someone who truly gets what you are going through.
It’s not something you can completely explain to someone who isn’t along for the ride. It’s far too Seussian, fall-down-the-rabbit-hole, Narnian-otherworldly to fully convey. I’m envious of those partnerships from the golden era who could lean on each other to fend off the surprising loneliness, exhaustion or chaos the limelight can bring. Or to push each other to shine even in the most challenging days in your search for the spotlight.
I’m not blind to the jealousy, infighting, or drama that must have been there too…but you look at gorgeous old photos and can’t help but think having a shoulder to lean on (or arms to dip you) looks divine.
So I’ll post some juicy stories on past auditions in a bit – but for now just wanted to write some general thoughts about the process.
Auditions are evil. And amazing. And frustrating, scary, thrilling etc. They are a bit like gambling, or playing the lottery as they are 5 minutes that can change your life. They are also terribly pedestrian. You walk into a room. You say some stuff. You walk out. But what you say and how you say it – both on script and in general – can completely change your future. There is a lot riding on what happens in that 5 minutes.
Every time I book a job, I am astounded by how easy it is. Wait, that 5 minutes was it? That was all it took? And every time I don’t book a job that I wanted, I endlessly runimate on why not. What could I have done differently? What did I do wrong – or not as right as someone else? It’s the same 5 minutes. Even though those 5 minutes are ‘all about you’…the reason you do or do not book a job is often not about you at all. There are so many things that go into the equation – that you have no control over. So you have to walk in, kill it…and then let it go. That is hard to do. You do your damndest not to get your hopes up – but you can’t help it. You do your damndest to not feel like dirt when you are convinced it went poorly…but you can’t help it.
So…its about jedi mind tricking yourself. You must invest enough in the material to give 100% to the moment…but find a way to ‘not care’ enough to let go of it entirely the moment you leave the room. This is something I’m still trying to master.
For years people have told me I should write a book about my Hollywood experiences. I’m not sure if I just have a better perspective than most to see the humor and absurdity in my Hollywood journey – or if my trip has been more ridiculous than others…but I’ve decided to start publicly sharing a bit of the good, bad and ugly from this LA life that my friends and family have laughed at for years.
If you are looking for a play by play of my one night stands or starf*cking, my coke habit, the casting couches I’ve christened, the producers I’ve slept with…you have the wrong girl. Sorry to disappoint, but none of these things have happened to me. I’m not any of the actress stereotypes. I’m just a midwestern girl with passion for this work – and fierce determination to beat staggering odds.
Even without the juicy gossip, my journey has been full of spectacular adventures, epic disappointments, hilarious hijinks and circumstances that have reached from one end of the spectrum to the other. I’m lucky enough to have carved out a career for more than a decade…and hopefully lucky enough that this is only the beginning. So check back if you want to hear about the casting calls gone wrong, epic wardrobe malfunctions, on set antics ….or that time I walked in on a porno.